Blessed this morning in meditation when I found myself still with Becky the Beaver. Historically in my journaling and journeying I do not necessarily receive visions and messages back-to-back, but thankfully I am learning to remove the practice of tradition and what has always been “the way.” To be opening up so much to being open is a gift.
Lesson 1: Law of the Land
This morning I found myself and Sammy the Salmon dining with Becky. We were sitting around in a circle about to eat. I looked and Becky was removing fried fish from the frying pan that was cooking over an open fire. I gasped!
Becky catching the noise looked at me as she had her hands raised to her mouth with a piece of fish in it, about to take a bite. She knew why I had gasped. It was because we were eating a Salmon, and I thought, “Stop! How can you be so cruel?” I didn’t speak out loud, but she knew and Sammy knew what had caused this utterance. I looked to my left at Sammy and he was as calm and unperturbed as Becky. I didn’t understand.
Becky smiled at me and said that she had been created as a Beaver and her diet was fish. If Father had created her that way then how could it be a cruel, and ‘heartless’ (she heard my thoughts) act to eat what had been provided for you by the Father’s hand. Sammy understood this and simply said, “It’s the law of the land.” I have no idea what Sammy was eating, but I am sure it wasn’t one of his relatives!
Lesson 2: When Light Spirits Connect
It was a peaceful time, quiet with the stars lighting up our space. As I glanced around it seemed like the stars were focused only on lighting the ground upon which we sat and I commented on that to Becky.
Becky then said to me that it was exactly like this when Sammy and I arrived at her place. I asked her what she was talking about and she said, “It was the same time of the day when you got here. It was night time and I was heading home with my day’s collection of twigs and branches, just like I do every day. I leave the house and am gone all day doing my work, gathering and preparing for the winter.”
“But,” I said, “It was the day time. I could see you and everything around us like it was the noonday sun.” She explained to me that before she had heard Sammy she caught the glimpse of a light out of the corner of her left eye and knew someone was there. When Sammy called out to her and she turned towards us, “my light connected with your light and lit up the sky.” Night became day in that spot. That was when she knew Father had sent us her way.
She told us she was so delighted and that is when her singing had increased in volume as she walked towards us. She knew it was going to be a wonderful encounter, perhaps one in which Father or Mother would teach her something new, and she could share what she knew with someone else. That is how her life had always been, the sharing of everything that was a part of who she was, and receiving from others.
She also told me that it wasn’t just Father who had sent us her way, but Mother as well, and she looked directly at Sammy as a backup for what she said, given both Becky and Sammy truly lived within and from Mother’s bounty.
Her obvious awareness of everything amazed me; not just what the eyes see, but what was going on behind the scenes.
As I looked at her, wondering about her wisdom, I also wondered who had been her teacher and whether she had any family of her own and so I asked her about family, and also asked her if she ever got lonely between visitors dropping by.
Becky’s Family & Companions
Becky told me that she had been married and she had two children. She and her husband had built the dam where we sat sharing our meal. They had a wonderful marriage and their two children grew up to be big and strong, and loving children. I was about to ask her where they were when she continued.
“About two years ago,” she said, “there were men and bulldozers working upstream in the way you are heading. They were here digging out the bedrock and soil beneath the waters to build another pathway or stream that would divert from this lake to water the lands of the farmers who were living around here. My husband and children were gone one day and they never returned. Friends of mine told me that a portion of the site they were constructing collapsed and many were killed. My husband and children were among those.”
Becky’s Story Was My Story
I saw a tear trickling down her chubby cheeks and had to look away from the painful energy it generated. It was like a knife stabbed my heart, and I felt the same twinge in the left side of my breast as I had felt when this journey of healing had begun yesterday. I realized that my pain was not just organic it had also been an emotional pain stabbing at my heart because of my own losses. Silence filled the air for what seemed like hours.
“After I lost my family it took a long time to heal from the pain, sorrow and what seemed like emptiness of my life,” said Becky. “I allowed myself to feel everything, even the anger at the Father for having taken away my children.
Outbursts of Anger at Father & Mother
And as for Mother, I remember yelling at her, ‘How could you! You of all people should understand and have done more to prevent this from happening’. I even told Mother that I hated her and that she was cruel and didn’t deserve to wear that blessed name of Mother!”
I was stunned by Becky’s outburst and then I realized that she had the ability to speak out loud what I had always thought about my own Mother. I had thought she was cruel when she said such horrible things about me, words that said she never wanted me and when my brother died telling me it should have been me.
Here I was, forced to face this truth and to dig deeper. I knew that when we retired for the night I would be facing my demons, and frankly I didn’t want to face them. It was time for honesty with myself and to stop denying these feelings of almost hate that I had worn for so long – against my own Mother.
The air was heavy and as if Becky knew my thoughts she continued to say that those friends who had told her about the accident became lifelong and close friends. When I had asked her about being lonely she said she was never alone, that life abounded all
around her and when she needed some actual conversation then Father or Mother would direct the right person to her. Sure she missed the physical presence of her husband and children, but this home that she lived in held their Spirits in every twig and branch, pile of mud and rocks they had gathered together as a family.
She began to yawn and told me she was tired. As she turned to enter her room, her back to me, I heard her whisper, “I am going to rest my head and sleep in the arms of Love that built my home. Goodnight child, sleep well.”
She entered her room, and the stars dimmed a bit. I sat there for a while just staring out across the lake waters that I could no longer see.
Lesson 3: Being Honest With Myself
This morning I have learned the need to be honest about all of my feelings; to stop denying the anger I held for my own Mother and to express it in order to heal it. As I had seen yesterday when my mother was recovering from surgery, my Mother had loved me as best she could. I think in Becky’s continuing and sharing her story, she knew that I needed to hear my story and was willing to relive her pain to help me heal from my pain.
Lesson 4: Our Journey Helps Others
You and I will go through many challenges in this Spiritual journey as humans. We must realize that the hand that holds us in those challenging times is a Hand of Love that knows we will not just get through whatever it is, but we will actually thrive as we survive and become instruments of help and healing for others who will follow a similar path.
In the retelling of her story, I believe that Becky too received more healing, just as I had begun to receive my healing and forgiveness of my own Mother many years ago. I also learned that healing is a forever, forward moving energy. Healing isn’t a one time, “Poof, you’re healed,” and that’s the end of it. When these thoughts reoccur, and they will, they are opportunities for you and I to etch out and examine other debris from the original pain that has been gathering.