This blog’s domain name, Return to Source, speaks of my journey in that return to Oneness (Source). When Spirit gave me the name I had an inkling of what it meant, but did not know the depth of the truth of those three simple words.
You and I shall never be one until there is no longer a me or a you.
Until my own duality is healed I will always bring duality to everything I think, say and do in this world. It is just the way it is and no wishing on my part will change Truth.
Just as I cannot give love or heal another until I too am love and am healed, it is equally true in Oneness.
My blogs yesterday revealed that I am far from having allowed this to be, me to be. But they also reveal a change that has been occurring as I journey.
I am not returning to a place, a time or a thing. I am simply to allow Spirit to do what Spirit and only Spirit can do; communicate and work with Spirit to accomplish Creator’s will and purpose in this human vessel.
Do you know how hard that is for someone like me who is always investigating, thinking, analyzing, doing; reading and reading and reading, trying to find the answer, the way from something generated by another flawed human being just like me? I have come to realize that the hardest thing I have ever encountered in my life is the non-busyness of BEing and allowing YHWH.
Nothing to Do – Just Being
This blog continues along the theme of Oneness (return to oneness) that flowed from yesterday’s blogs, it is something that I have been struggling to do, instead of allowing it to be.
The problem encountered when I, a human being, try to understand or do something is that it will only be from the human perspective that my efforts will flow.
I recall a Scripture that tells us that only Spirit knows Spirit. I find that I am much like Sarah and all the others in Scripture who knew the intimacy of a relationship with YHWH and who had been told by Creator that their heart’s desires were unfolding even as the promise was given to them.
What happens with all of us, but again I can only speak for me, is that we have preconceived ideas and soft, yet determined deadlines in which we think something should occur. Sarah is a good example. YHWH promised her and Abraham a child, and even at the date of this promise they were getting along in years (age). I think they likely waited what they thought was a reasonable amount of time.
Applying Human Attributes to YHWH’s Promises
But, just as it has too often been my downfall, after this soft period of time (they hadn’t actually said, “OK YHWH, when will it happen, and I’d like the kid by the end of the year.” I believe their hearts were right, that they really wanted this child. I believe they considered their age(s) and thought that if it doesn’t happen now, it is never going to happen.
So, they took matters into their own hands. Perhaps they spoke to each other saying that YHWH was so busy with all the other demands of the world, perhaps he has forgotten. Perhaps they thought He had more important things He was dealing with; like the fighting among the people, civil unrest and wars, people hating and fighting, etc. Maybe there were environmental issues He was working on fixing.
The particulars of how they helped YHWH to fulfill His promise are known to anyone who reads Scripture.
It isn’t the how of what we do when trying to help YHWH fulfill His promises. It isn’t the why (all those good reasons Sarah may have expressed) either.
It’s the very fact that I think that YHWH needs my help in fulfilling His promises.
It really boils down to a couple of simple things about me and the way I have lived this human life. These are:
- the need to have a plan in place
- the need to know the details of how it will be done
- the need to know when it will happen
The Lord asked and I said yes. This is where I am to put the brakes on and let YHWH “do His thing.” At least it is what I know I am to do, nothing until I clearly hear Spirit speak.
Simply Say Here Am I
YHWH says He is “I AM“. When we are approached by Spirit and know we are being called out, being asked to do, say or be something, all we need to do is respond, “Here AM I.” In fact the expression occurs 84 times in 23 verses; obviously YHWH is really trying to make a point here, wanting me to hear those words.
In the majority of the verses, all found in the Old Testament, it is in the context of a parental relationship they are spoken, be it YHWH and someone, or a man and a child (i.e. Abraham and Isaac). These are a few verses:
Gen 22:7 “And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Heream I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?”
Gen 22:11 “And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.“
1 Sam 3:4 “That the LORD called Samuel: and he answered, Here am I.”
The one verse found in the New Testament uses those three words, but in the order that YHWH references Himself, that is “I am” and not “am I” as most people responded. Obviously the context is different, so I would personally only references the OT Scriptures.
Acts 9:10 “And there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananias; and to him said the Lord in a vision, Ananias. And he said, Behold, I am here Lord.”
Here AM I and the Number Four
The response words, “here AM I,” occur approximately four times per verse if they were to be averaged among the 23 verses.
The meaning of the number four in Scripture/Torah on different sites have one thing in common and that is the number four is closely related to SUCCOTH and PESACH. I find this rather coincidentally surprising since this coming week-end is Easter week-end (2018).
This year, Pesach begins on Friday March 30, and will last until Saturday April 7.
The following information on the number four and its significance is taken from the web site betemunah.org:
“In this paper I would like to explore the number four (4) as it thematically affects Succoth and Pesach.”
four is the value of the Hebrew letter dalet: ד. Dalet means door
1. indicates place because a “place” extends in the four directions. This is why we have expressions like, “the four corners of the earth”. We also indicate all directions by saying: North, East, West, and South. As it is spoken by the Prophet:
(Isaiah) 11:11-12 And it shall come to pass in that day, that the Lord shall set his hand again the second time to recover the remnant of his people, which shall be left, from Assyria, and from Egypt, and from Pathros, and from Cush, and from Elam, and from Shinar, and from Hamath, and from the islands of the sea. 12 And he shall set up an ensign for the nations, and shall assemble the outcasts of Israel, and gather together the dispersed of Judah from the four corners of the earth.
2. four is a number of separation, and represents dispersal in all four directions. We see Scripture describing division and separation as:
Zechariah 2:10 …for I have scattered you like the four directions of the heavens.
3. represents exile
4. symbolizes diversity, as the four directions are independent of each other and have no part in common.
Obviously I got side tracked from what I originally sat down to write. And yet, Spirit lead me to what I needed to know about Oneness. I never would have thought to connect Pesach and the number four to our return to Oneness, but it all makes so much sense, I can’t believe I never saw it before.
When the student is ready, the Teacher appears.
Again, until restoration of oneness/wholeness occurs, I am unable to be a oneness with anything external to who I am. It can be a very lonely journey and one has to be prepared to make that journey. There have been many times when I have thought that I must be mistaken, that this cannot be what the Father is calling me to do or be in this moment.
Lately, after a brief respite, it seems as if things are again falling back into that space of increasing challenges, just when I thought I was getting a respite. Having travelled so far, for so long how can I give up now? And yet, I have thought those things; have been critical of myself and have thought that I am making big mistakes, that there is no way.
But today I have taken another step, one step at a time. Four being an indicator of a door, perhaps it is that my door is opening and I must continue to walk in Faith and Trust with the generous love that I feel of the Father and my walking companion and confident Yeshua.
Just as I was finalizing and proofing this blog, the Lord brought me to this verse in Proverbs 24, and I am smiling and saying, “Thank you Father.”
Proverbs 20:24 “Man’s goings are of the LORD; how can a man then understand his own way?”